The Worst Kind of Fall

We live in a world where we are constantly surrounded and being reminded by success stories. We watch, we hear, we emulate, but do we really know what success for ourselves really looks like? Is it solely about the winning? The prize? The accolades? I offer my opinion in one word for you to ponder...No. There are plenty of those who have won, grabbed the prize, received the praise, and where are they? Has the one with the most toys really won? They made it to the top, but how did they proceed afterwards. Quite often “winners” effulgence fade, and fade quick, unable to handle finally freeing the carrot from the end of the stick. Lotto winners, superstars, and one hit wonders, litter our landscape, displaying more characteristics of losers than that which we associate with successful winners. Once at the top, they fall.

What’s then is the point of achieving success, ascending to dizzying heights? Surely many have experienced it without subsequent misery. Let me relay this metaphorically using more special relativity, one displaying painful planning and execution, climbing a mountain, specifically the Matterhorn. At a height just short of 15000 ft and first ascended by Edward Whymper in 1865. The Matterhorn, aside from being one of the world's most iconic mountains is also a psychological condition. The Matterhorn Syndrome is attributed to those who fail once achieving success. Aptly named, a surprising half of all climbing fatalities (41.2% between 1951-2006) in mountain climbing are from the descent after conquering the climb. As a matter of fact 4 of Whymper’s crew died coming down after his successful climb. When we’re climbing we’re trying, but once we succeed we tend to let our guard down. Quite often we place too much emphasis on the climb towards our goals and neglect what to do afterward. And recoiled with all that potential ensuing overconfidence comes, and the inevitable; the fall. So, before you assume you are on solid ground, assess your surroundings and act soberly. To quote St. Paul, “let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1Cor 10:12.

I would be remiss if I didn’t share a climb to the top I experienced, and the subsequent falling down upon success.

It was a few weeks before my graduation, I was filled with much of the same emotions of moving on and grabbing the world by the horns and showing what I was made of as most college graduates. But, I had something fresh in my toolkit, something that cannot be taught, only learned...a fresh failure, a deep wound. As our class hit restaurant row, the final stop in our culinary training, summer was bringing out the adventurist in all of us and we chose to pass out free time in between classes enjoying hiking the local mountains. One such day a few friends and myself found ourselves at the summit of one of the local hills after a grueling footrace to the top. We were always a bit competitive as you can imagine and our wagers usually entailed who did or did not pay for the evening's libations and or put in the monies needed to procure the meal to accompany them. And today was no different and as we sat at the summit discussing the night’s menu of sparkling wines, fiddleheads and crustaceans.

It soon became apparent that this was not going to be an inexpensive loss by any means.

So, when we began our race to the bottom, there was a lot on the line.

Needless to say, I was winning. I love winning. My years of distance running and downhill skiing morphed into a combination style somewhere between cross country and mogul jumping, and was paying off greater than my friends’ Tarzan emulations. With the end in sight I began to fantasize about the night’s feast. And that’s when it hit me….the ground! As my ankle caught some gravel, turned my foot upside down and threw me headlong to the ground, the sole of my shoe perfectly visible to me as my momentum was slowed by the gravel . Ouch. I didn’t plan for that.

Quite often we have a plan to succeed, but then what. Do you have a plan for all that built up kinetic energy upon reaching the pinnacle; what to do with all that potential energy? Or are you destined to let nature complete your hyperbolic journey. Too many times the ambulance is sent to the bottom of the mountain when an itinerary at the top would suffice. So when facing those mountains in life, be careful and plan your steps both up and down. Not that falling is bad, great lessons are learned on your face in the gravel, but in the moments following a victory it's unpleasantness is greatly amplified.  Therefore, don’t let success go to your head. Don’t let up until you're safely done. Don’t just plan to climb the mountain, plan to make it back and tell people you did it. And if I may drop a quote here to conclude, “People don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan”. Well said John Beckley, well said.

"Lucky" Me

I’ve never been a proponent of luck. I will quite often go out of my way, when others might chime in with the expected “good luck” I often surprise people with a quite contrary statement, “I won’t insult you by wishing you luck”. Luck is a myth.

And as scientifically and rationally debunked as luck has been, it is still touted as the rational person’s response to their own relative standings. Bad luck is the scapegoat for...  lack of control in one’s own direction and ability, disavowing others success to rationalize your inadequacies, and relinquishing ownership of our failures because things are simply not your fault.

Scientific reasoning, as seen in Newton’s third law, clearly shows causality explains results; every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Hit a drum, make a noise. Hear a noise, twitch a muscle. Twitch a muscle, spill your coffee...on your lap. This is not bad luck, you're just not properly evaluating all of the variables in your environment that concluded in that moment's causality. Good luck has its own confused superstitious, coincidental logics. Four leaf clovers, lucky rabbits feet, blowing on dice, playing your birthday lotto numbers are all just as likely to influence events as me declaring my coffee mug keeps away tigers (it does, I’ve never encountered one while drinking my coffee).

Whatever the common consensus, I happen not to believe in luck. In fact, quite the opposite; I believe in working hard, being prepared and bettering your own odds. Or as some would say, making one’s own luck. To quote the great 21st century philosopher Jon Bon Jovi, "luck ain't lucky, gotta make your own breaks."

Coincidentally, studies show luck (more specifically good luck), relates directly with how people perceive and accept chance opportunities. Richard Wiseman, author of The Luck Factor concurs, “Lucky people generate their own good fortune via four basic principles. They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophecies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.”

So when the philosopher Seneca states that “luck is where opportunity meets preparation”, I can completely agree.

Additional research shows that lucky people are more relaxed, and as such are open to situations (opportunities) that they are prepared for. Unlucky people tend to be more reluctant, fearful and anxious. Attributes that directly coincide with someone’s being ready for “luck” to happen (cause) and how we feel with perceived outcomes (effect)..

But there are times in my life when I find myself just violating the odds and falling bass ackward into something amazing.

As luck would have it, I had an opportunity to do just that.

One of the most memorable experiences I have had as a Chef is owning my own restaurant. It happened to be one of the most grueling and enjoyable experiences. As you could imagine, it did not leave much room for vacations and getting away. After a few years of glorious toiling, it became apparent to me that I needed to get away. Years earlier I had taken my wife to Italy on our honeymoon; easily one of the most beautiful trips I had ever undertaken (and yeah, it was also a honeymoon). And when I thought of places appropriate to relax and recharge my batteries my mind naturally settled in on that glorious place filled with the most pleasant memories. This time though I wanted it to be a bit different.

You see in my life in the restaurant and catering business I spent oodles of time serving others. I love it, it really fulfills me. So on this trip I decided to treat myself; a trip where I worried nor wanted for nothing. I wanted me and my wife to be completely catered to.

As “luck” would have it, all these ideas came to a bubbling head when I met a young lady from the island of Sicily one day in my restaurant. She went on about the unrealized beauties of her homeland and I realized this was a part of Italy I had never seen, a great opportunity if ever one had presented itself. Intuitively I knew that this young lady obviously knew more than me about my new infatuation. I asked her for help, and if she knew of anyone who could accommodate a request like mine. As luck would have it, she did, and from there I created an amazing relationship with my friend Angelo. Over the course of a few months we created a program whereby our car and driver would take us to our agriturismo (vineyard/B&B) where we would stay. We would shop the markets for fresh produce, seafood, meats, cheeses and prepare our meals together and enjoy them with local wine. Whenever we wished, we would dine out and experience true local fare, see the historical sites, walk the beaches, hike the volcano, hear the history and mythology that sprung forth from Sicily’s passionate people . Best part, neither my wife nor myself were allowed to touch our wallets, as it was to be all paid and ready for us when we arrived.  Paradise. My expectations could not be higher, and Angelo was eager to acquiesce. It was to be a spectacular second honeymoon.

Yet, it wasn’t meant to be (at least as I had originally envisioned it). You see, sitting in my restaurant, which had an open kitchen, allowed my guests to see all the preparations that I was making, and that included my second honeymoon. One such guest sat, as he did most days, listening to the sounds of his meal being prepared and the bustle. On that day, he got a little more than he bargained for. As Tom sat enjoying his food, he overheard my plan.

“What’s that?” he asked as I hung up the phone with Angelo.

“The call?” he nodded, “Oh, I’m planning a trip to Sicily with Suzanne.” (my wife, you should know that by now). “My friend Angelo is taking care of all the details.”

“I heard…” his look changed from interest to , well interest.

He had overheard about the vineyards, the shopping, the cooking, the dining, and all that the ancient island culture and geography had to offer, and much like me, fell in love with the notion.

“I wanna come.”

And with that simple statement a chain reaction began that turned my wife’s second honeymoon into, shall we say…”better luck next time.”

We didn’t enjoy our second honeymoon as we expected that year, but we did manage to transform that bit of “bad luck” into a great thing. It turned out that we did go back. With this now fixed as a part of our restaurant's business model, we went back a few times actually, subsequent times bringing others with us to share the island experience we ourselves had “lucked” into.

Now, many might call all that lucky. And if I believed in luck I would certainly agree. But I don’t so I won’t. What it was was fortuitous; I was prepared to receive the opportunity, I had accounted for all the variables that concluded with a desired result, and when it didn’t work out quite the way I envisioned I adapted. “Luck”? No, it was the exact reaction equal and opposite to all the actions that lead up to it.

So, when I refuse to wish you luck, be flattered that I don’t think you incapable enough to not cause your own desired reactions, that you are oblivious enough not to notice all the amazing opportunities before you, that you lack positivity, and that you are resilient enough to overcome poor situations.* And, you should believe enough in your abilities to focus the odds to arrive at your desired results, believe you have control over your circumstances, believe that others' successes are not taunts but rather models for celebration. So, instead of relying on luck, rely on yourself and imagine, oh the places you'll go.

*I, Suzanne (editor) would like to deny any participation in the construction of this sentence. As much as I love my husband, there are some sentences that emerge from his brain that even I can't untangle.

Happy New

As we begin another New Year, and the confetti shakes out and the resolutions begin to fade, I begin to think about the glorious nature of starting afresh every year. For some reason, perhaps socially induced, we feel the need to periodically start over, sometimes in a grand way, sometimes more gradual. Statistically, the more creative and independent a personality you have, the more you crave change. Change may not always be in our best interest, but for some reason we perceive it as an essential component in moving towards our happiness, making ourselves and our lives better. What most people don't realize (or refuse to see) is that most things we wish to change are results; the results of bad behavior, the results of our habits. Habits are difficult to change because we have ingrained them into our being; we do them without thinking. So if you really want that change in your life that you presume will make you happier, you need to reprogram the behavioral patterns that give you the results you don't like seeing. No one has more particular passion for breaking bad habits and starting people down a happier path than a Chef.

I’ll never forget one of my new beginnings; I found myself being brought in to revamp a four star seafood restaurant. Food cost was running high, turnover too. I spent the first few weeks there learning all the stations, menu items and prep lists. I kept my new position of executive sous chef a secret as I acclimated to the kitchen culture, presuming I would be treated differently as a boss rather than a new coworker. I also didn't let on I spoke fluent Spanish as I acclimated to the predominantly Spanish-speaking kitchen staff.

Then came the day when Chef introduced me to the crew as the new executive sous chef, there to make some changes and get the kitchen back in shape.

    One of my first resolutions was to straighten up the prep kitchen. There was a bit of waste there that was stemming from a disorganized walk-in cooler. So, I pulled my prep cooks aside and laid out my plan.

“Ok guys, here's what I want to do today.” I started. “ Let’s take everything out of the walk in, pull out the shelves, deep clean the whole cooler, walls and floors, with bleach, shelves too, and then we'll put everything back after we organize the food. Got it?” I thought my request was pretty straight forward. I expected action.

“No sabe.” Was what I got in return. (No sabe is Spanish for ‘don't know’ presumably implying I don't know what you're saying but if taken literally implies someone doesn't have a clue (me)).

“Oh…. no sabe? You don't know what I'm saying? Well what should we do?”

He nodded vacantly, doubling down on his lack of initiative.

“OH! I got it!” I exclaimed.  His face lit up even though he (presumably) had no idea what I was saying and I (presumably) had no way of relaying my thoughts to him accurately.

“Toma todos los cosas e pone aqui en esta mesa e limpia los paredes e piso con aqua caliente e chloro…” I continued on with my now apparent command of Spanish. And as I finished the newly translated instruction I could tell by their faces, they were a little astonished.

“You f*#!ing sabe?” I closed.

“Yes.”

And with that they went to work.

Change happens over time and instantaneously. You can choose to make those choices yourself, and it is easiest when you self-direct those changes to your own habits and own the results.  But change can also be inflicted upon you from an external source, especially when your habits’ consequences violate acceptable norms. Needless to say, change happens as a result of changed behaviors resulting in different outcomes. Sustainable change happens when changed habits become the new norm. Although finishing a book happens on the last page, it required many turned pages from start to finish. But you will never get to that last page, nor understand the story, unless you pick it up and begin.

My holiday gift to you.

What a glorious time of year. A time to gather and celebrate with food and gifts. A time to ponder all the gifts you have been blessed with, no matter what form they come in, they are all around us waiting to be accepted. A gift is a thing given willingly to someone without payment... a present. One thing we often overlook however, is that if a gift is only if gift if, it is accepted. How often have we been presented with something and just not taken advantage of it; or not realized that what we were being presented with was in fact a gift; or kept something solely to ourselves without sharing it; I would dare to say that these are wasted gifts. I quite often equate receiving gifts to a glass (me) being filled with a beverage (the gift).Gifts fill the glass. Once full it cannot handle more unless first a bit is removed. You may consume as much as you can, but the next taste is never as rich as the first, as repeated tasting diminishes sensory acuity we drink more and more in hopes of that first rush. And too much imbibing will leave you, well….hurting.

So how does one make room in their glass without getting intoxicated…solution… share it.

One of the greatest gifts I have received is the chance to work at my alma mater, doing what I love and was trained to do. The gift of watching a young person discover themselves and begin the journey of their career is amazing, a gift I relish everyday. But before I opened this gift, there were a few tests along the way. One such test was a Chef's test to see if I was CIA material. A challenge I truly enjoyed. Well, mostly. Right up until the end it was a great day. My food was on point and I was in the zone. As I reached for the sauté pan holding my vegetables for the final dish it was painfully apparent to me that the handle of the pan had made its way under the side towel I was holding for such protection and since it was in fact ripping hot was now searing its way into my palm.

By the time the meal was presented and I was asked into the dining room for my critique, my hand was a throbbing mess. I pressed a paper towel wrapped ice cube into the stigma and made my way into the dining room. I was more than a little pissed off at myself.  And now, not only was I wounded, I had to stand in front of a table and hear a critique on what I thought went rather well, aside from the burn. As I contemplated all this, it hit me, the gift. Gift? How can anyone see this as a gift? Well that's just it, it's your perspective. Faced with this horrible pain, I chose to see it as a gift, and it was. As I wrestled with being able to do something so stupid and careless on such an important day, the gift kindly presented itself. Today wasn't only about me being a "great" Chef, it was about my abilities as a teacher, something I was overlooking in comfort of my zone.

So when asked, " What do you think?" I put away the ego of Chef and put on the humility of the teacher. Starting with the first spoon of soup to the last morsel of chicken, I critiqued my meal. One that I normally would have stood by and defended, I now outlined its flaws and remedies. And as I finished I felt a wave of satisfaction come over me (or maybe it was adrenaline from the throbbing wound) as I awaited the evaluators responses.

"Well, that's just what I would have said." Stated one of my evaluators. And in a few weeks time, I began my journey there as an instructor, and the gifts keep coming.

Gifts come in all forms, some less recognizable than others. But in order for them to be gifts they need to be accepted, recognized and taken in, and be appreciated. But if you really want to make the most of your gift, and have room for more in the process, you need to give some of it away. The more you give...the more room you have for more.

So look around and recolonize all the gifts in your life, and more importantly, share them with others.

Honesty

I imagine we all picture ourselves as honest people. But when you take a good hard look at yourself it is quite possible to see the opposite. At least that’s what a study by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., University of Virginia, 1996 of 147 people between the ages of 18 and 71, found...

Most people lie every day. Social exchanges lasting over 10 minutes have a deceptive element twenty percent of the time. Nearly a third of one on one interactions involve deceptive behavior or speech. Half of the interactions a college student has with their mother involve deceptive behaviors or speech. And when scientists talk about falsities they don't include pleasantries or polite ambiguities, such as “not a problem" or "I’m good " These don’t constitute "official" lies. However, complementing an awful haircut or telling a someone “the check is in the mail”  both qualify. Studies show that the average person lies several times a day. Some of those are biggies (“I’ve always been faithful to you,”) but more often, they are little white lies (“Of course that dress looks good on you!”), or sweet little lies (“you look as beautiful as the day we met.”) Some forms of deception aren’t exactly lies: comb-overs, nodding when you’re not listening, but they are non-truths just the same. “Lies of omission” allow us to justify mistruths in that we haven’t blatantly lied. Lies can help maintain our self-esteem, but when allowed to escalate, lead to serious delusions beyond our control. Sadly, a completely honest person is a rarity, which makes working in a kitchen so much fun. You would imagine that encountering an honest person in your day would be a blessing.

    I had just finished showing my cook how to do the mashed potatoes for that evening’s service. I am a bit of a stickler for the details; the simpler something is, the more perfect it should be. There is a bit of feel and finesse when it comes to a proper mash, but when you make it in larger quantities, slight deviations can lead to a very different destination altogether. Weigh the potatoes, weigh the dairy, heat the dairy, season, fold it into properly cooked potatoes that have been slightly dried to a flaky mass. This simple measuring procedure allows for minimal mixing and results in a lighter, fluffier potato. So I finished the demo, reiterated the importance of the steps, and left the cook to do their work whilst I examined the other stations prior to service.

    As I finished the inspection of the line, the stations and the consequent dishes and components for the service, I turned as I reached the end of my circuit and began heading back down the line in order to make sure my directions were being followed and the service would be a success. For the most part the cooks were doing their part, following instructions. But, as I got closer to that first cook, the one making the potatoes, I realized there was something amiss. There she was. Huge mixing bowl that was allowing my beautiful potatoes to cool down as she worked...pouring cream directly from the ice cold container (neither being heated nor measured) right into the already cooling mass. As I came up behind her I was scarcely at a loss for words…

“What do you think you are doing!?!” She wheeled around, quite astonished I was there.

“We just went over this! Cook the potatoes...dry the potatoes….mill the potatoes...keep them hot...measure the cream...heat the cream...add just what you need...season….mix minimally so as not to make gummy potatoes!!!” No response...nothing.

“And what are you doing!?! THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE!!! What were you thinking !?!”

I have to admit, I might have gone a bit over the top, but honestly this was flagrant. I stood there glaring, waiting for a good explanation. But what I got, well...was so uniquely honest, it stopped me dead in my tracks.

“I’m sorry Chef…” she began, In a split second my mind rushed through a thousand or so rants, bombasts and expletives that would pound the treacherous cook as she tried to lie her way out of this one. But my plan of attack was thwarted, for after the ‘I’m sorry Chef’ came the most honest of statements.

“I didn’t see you coming.” That was it. No excuses about not understanding, no plying for sympathy, just honest admittance of ‘I knew what I was doing was wrong and I thought I would get away with it, but you caught me.’

“Well then,” I stammered. I could feel myself doing a double take as I spoke, “let’s do it again.” I concluded as I tossed the bowl of cold, gummy spuds into the compost.

    So, do we really believe we are going to get away with it? Well if you look at the numbers, yes. With deception being so commonplace amongst us, it would follow that we do not believe we will get caught. I mean who would be fool enough to create a deception with the knowledge they were going to be found out; but we do. And we do get caught; everyone gets caught. You might think you got away with it, but deep down inside you know they know or at least someday they will find out. Maybe they already know and are just seeing how long you can go before you do the right thing and come clean. Regardless of the position of your hand to the cookie jar, the best bet in all situations, is be honest. What makes us mad, the original offense or the lie that covers it up? Most often it is the escalation of distrust from the perpetuation of the initial transgression, revelation and repentance usually leads to a reconciliation, but lies always lead to more lies, breach of trust and an inevitable falling away. So, be daring and innovative; be honest.  And believe you me, you can trust me on this, because as far as you know, I’ve never lied to you.

Thanks

  In light of the Thanksgiving Holiday I thought it appropriate to take on thanks-giving (or more to the point gratitude); and for purposes of illuminating through contrast, entitlement. We no doubt live in an immensely egocentric society. People feel entitled to nearly everything; a job, money, food,  happiness, health. But what do we truly deserve? What’s that you say? Nothing? Nothing, that’s right nothing. You are entitled to nothing. You may or may not have rights granted to you from the collective, but the world itself owes you...you guessed it, nothing. There are no guarantees in life; happiness, work, money, success, love, tomorrow, anything;  you name it we think we deserve it (so long as it’s good). There is only one thing we can be sure of, we are mortal. Everything else is a gift. And as such, deserving of our thanks. Sadly, our ego centrism (and plenty of successful marketing) makes us feel entitled to both our needs and wants.  Our ego, and behavioral patterns are formed an early age. A healthy behavior pattern of growth in understanding our needs in relationship to and with others is the desired outcome. But, selfish or egocentric patterns also emerge, which is considered unhealthy in mature adults. As one might imagine, ego centrism and entitlement are more prevalent in higher social classes, and lead to narcissistic personality traits. These immature or childlike traits signify the early stages of psychological and emotional development, yet persist into some adults. When confronted with physically mature, cognitive narcissistic people, most normal people feel obligated to NOT give in to them. Studies have gone on to show that ungrateful, narcissistic people tend towards states of anxiety, anger and depression, and experience a higher percentage of poor relationships than grateful people. This can be due in part to a failure to meet the unrealistic expectations that egocentrism demands, as well as and society's refusal of entitled demands. On the other side of the coin, grateful people experience improved health and better, more open relationships, better recovery after adversity and more stable emotional conditions. Studies also show these changes can take place simply by our attitude; thinking we are grateful (as opposed to focusing on what we didn’t get) can actually improve emotional and physical health.  Additionally, people just enjoy being around you more. Grateful people are statistically happier, go figure.

    Probably the most difficult of situations to be thankful for is that of facing failure. People will fight tooth and nail not to fail, even after it’s already occurred. We argue the call in hopes of changing an outcome long-since determined. We fail to realize that failure is an essential part of learning, and when taken in stride can be a powerful learning tool associated with more synaptic formation than success. So when people have the opportunity to hear that they have failed and, consequently, receive another chance, I am often puzzled by the level of anger expressed. It is a rarity when we hear those amazing words, “Thank you” when someone fails. But if you take a moment and stop and think about it, it is probably the best thing you can say in such a situation.

    There was an occasion when I was administering a cook’s test, a benchmark experience that allows a Chef to know if a cook is ready for the next step in their career by cooking a simple meal (first course and entree), in a given amount of time. The cook is judged not only on the quality of the food, but additionally their preparedness, cleanliness, timing and demeanor. It’s always an eye opening experience when you evaluate in such an environment. I was anticipating that this particular day was going to be a good one, as on my roster of candidates was a cook who I knew to be strong. I was expecting great food from her; she was a rock star, always prepared, always executed well. The day, however, did not proceed as either of us had imagined. For some reason or another she had a bad day…. Really bad. A meticulous cook with a great palate and more than adequate command of the competencies, I expected to be enjoying myself as she presented her plates. Needless to say I was disappointed. The dish itself spoke volumes to the disheveled condition that her station was in as the components fell lackluster onto the plate. I didn’t even need to say anything, she was well aware of the food's condition and the subsequent position that put her in. At the end of it she wound up not passing this particular test, even though we both knew what she was capable not only passing, but knocking it outta the park. It was tough though, a matter of a point or two; at her worst she was better than others' best. And at that moment proximity of passing the test warranted arguing the point, or in this case points needed to secure passage from the kitchen.

“Is that what you really want?” I asked, “To pass? You never struck me as a just pass type of person.”

She sat quietly for a moment, thinking.

“Or do you want to take advantage of the opportunity before you to come back and crush it?”

There was a slow melting of her stern demeanor into a softness of realization.

“If you convince me to pass you, that low score sticks! But… If you take it again, you have an opportunity for perfection.”

She nodded, realizing I was not out to stop her, but rather to position her to recognize her full potential. Potential we both knew she had.

“I want to do it again Chef.”

    Well, she came back and by as many points as she missed passing the first time she missed the perfect score the second time around. Now, that's what I expected in the first place, near perfection.
When it was all said and done she was much happier with the outcome. We passed each other some years later and she pulled me aside.
"Chef, I'm not sure if you remember me..." She began.
"I sure do." I quickly added.
"Well, I didn't understand it at first, but 'Thank you', I learned a lot from you. I'm glad you didn't let me squeak by that first time. After that, I've always approached everything more prepared. It was a great lesson. Thank you."

   Attitude is truly everything. It could be possible to walk away from the same situation with two different outcomes; one where you felt entitled to succeed and upset that you didn’t, or one where you were grateful for the opportunity to have another chance. Everyday you wake up with breath in you you should be thankful you have another chance. You are not entitled to money, nor happiness, a job, success, nor rewards. Certainly these are the natural outcome of good behavior and good choices, but not a must or given. The sooner you realize it, and are grateful for all you have, the happier you will be in life. Everyday you are given another opportunity to move your life in the right direction, or the direction of your choosing. You should be thankful for all the wonderful things in your life, as well as the not so wonderful things, because after all you’re still alive to experience them. So know that when I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving it is truly heartfelt....true thanks from a sincere heart for all the blessings and challenges in my life. You should be thankful too, just look at the data. Because statistically speaking, if you’re not thankful, you are probably moments away from being miserable.

A Perfect "10"

Serving others is a tough job, but there’s something about service that just makes it all worthwhile. Looking back it seems a bit counter-intuitive that anyone would want to make their living in service to others. Typically those in the service industry lack: consistent hours, holidays off, flattering clothing, ample rest, downtime, and are additionally expected to be polite even in the face of guests who border on the occasionally hostile. Not exactly the poster child of reasons for getting into this. And yet we do. Hmmmm, perhaps there’s more to it than we initially see. To that point, MRI studies indicate that we have parts in our brain that activate when we “give”, which can take the form of donating, volunteering and, for those select lucky few, finding an avocation. Indeed most people have an intrinsic need to look outside themselves for meaning; sometimes this is in the form of assistance to others, sometimes in service to others. Whether we are wired to do so or acquire it as a learned behavior, exposure to service at a young age leads people to tend toward service. And service driven people have benefits in their learning, having deeper and intimate understanding of the learning and subsequent behaviors, and additionally develop intangible skills of munificence and genuineness. Either way, there is that spark of altruism that seems to surpass compensation as a reason for doing something. People in the service-centric life benefit not only those they serve but this basic need we possess, not merely for self actualization, but for eleemosynary purposes as well; gratifying ourselves as we realize we are helping others.

It was a day like any other, reservation book was full, 325 reservations in our 110 seat room. We were going to be busy. To add to it, the phone was ringing off the hook and people were looking for a nice place to eat. You see, the World Cup was in town and as such lots of people needed to find dining arrangements. As expected, the night started off with and maintained a frenetic pace. There was no room for errors; the machine needed to be well maintained to keep it on the tracks.

“Chef! Chef, we have a VIP on table 51.” my food runner darted into the kitchen to inform me followed quickly by the Maitre ‘d and the server.

“Chef, VIP on table 51.” they repeated.

“Got it guys, thank you.”my nonchalant-ness did not work for them.

“Chef! VIP!”, they repeated the message.

“I heard you the first time. VIP, table 51. Now why don’t you get out there and see if they want a drink. I thought you said they were a VIP, so why don’t you get them a drink!?!” With that, the server and food runner sped off into the dining room through the swinging door.

“And what about everyone else? How should I treat them?” In my eyes, everyone is a VIP.

“Chef, I don’t think you understand. This VIP…” he persisted, and while I entertain the notion that VIP status does exist, I really do protest when it comes at the expense of the naturally-given expectations of my normal clientele...my regulars, who are perhaps the most important people of all, and doubly so when the alleged VIP doesn't even want to be treated differently. They just want to be treated like everyone else. Nonetheless, my Maitre ‘d continued,

“It’s Pelé !”. Well now, you could hear a pin drop. I’m not sure if you have ever worked in a kitchen, a kitchen filled with Spanish speaking guys from Mexico who play and watch soccer religiously every weekend. Pele is a pretty big deal. Admittedly, I was even a little gobsmacked. I mean I played soccer as a youth, was weaned on stories of the famous bicycle kick that won the world cup, went to Cosmos games with my dad, and now this cultural icon who played his way out of poverty shoeless with a ball made of tied up rags was in my dining room. I felt humbled.

As I looked into the dining room, I could see a small commotion building at the table.

“OK then, why don’t you get out there and give the man room to breath...and perhaps enjoy his meal?” I motioned to the Maitre ‘d that his attention was needed in the dining room. And as he looked to where my eyes were darting he concurred and ran off into the dining room.

    Needless to say there was a bit of distraction amongst my line cooks that evening. At every chance they would gaze longingly into the dining room in hopes of catching a glimpse of this hero. At times I would even catch them by the swinging door, peering through into the dining room for a better vantaged view. They wanted to meet him so badly. It didn’t help that a few of my waitstaff broke character and violated my rule about guest privacy and asked our guest for autographs. Which they flaunted as they went periodically through the kitchen and warranted a talking-to later on. Regardless, from that point on, he was treated as any other guest, unharassed. We prepared his table’s food, sent it out and kept on with the night.

    Once the meal was over they stayed at the table for a while, as one might imagine from sojourners meeting in a distant city. As part of my routine I checked on the guests in the dining room to make sure we hit our mark. And, I eventually wound up at Pelé’s table.

“ How was your meal this evening?” I opened, making eye contact around the table to elicit responses.

“Fine”, “Wonderful”, a chorus of compliments; just what I loved to hear.

“Very good.” Pelés deep rich voice echoed out. I blushed, my cooks were nearly falling over themselves peeking out of the kitchen.

“I’m so very glad.” pause, “ I must apologize for the commotion earlier,  we do not typically treat our guests like that.” I was referring to the unprofessional way our staff solicited our guest. At which point the waiter crumbing the table shrank away. “I’ll chat with them later about that.” The table smiled and giggled.

“Thank you Chef, everything was really wonderful” he continued.

“Thank you Sir, it was an honor to serve you.” bowing in the direction of the table, I began to dismiss myself. “Please enjoy the rest of your evening.”

“Wait.” He stopped me in my tracks, “may I please say thank you to your staff?”

“Mr. Pelé Sir, I couldn’t impose.” I truly disagree with soliciting guests. They are just trying to have a meal, but it soon became apparent that this gentleman enjoyed enough privacy tonight.

“But, if they could, I would love to say thank you in person.” He continued.

“Sir, that would mean the world to them.They have been tremendously excited all night that you are here.” and with that I motioned to the kitchen, my crew nearly falling over themselves exiting the kitchen.

    One by one Pelé greeted and spoke to my crew in the near empty dining room, and the unfamiliar feeling of an air conditioned dining room was nearly as uncommon as this type of recognition; certainly from someone they emulated so much. Watching this great man treat my guys with gratitude and appreciation was again humbling. They cherished the intimacy, handshake and personalized memento allotted each one, right down to my dishwasher. It did bring to light the benefit of my policy when they compared the simple signatures he put on the scraps of paper of those who pestered him earlier to their own treasured keepsakes.

“Thank you so much Sir, have a beautiful evening.”  And with that and a handshake, I made my way back into the kitchen.

    I’ve never seen my crew so happy cleaning the kitchen. The common drudgery seemed a bit lighter today after such recognition for what they normally do everyday because they love it, which is to serve.

You might think the crew's reward for their service was the attention from a celebrity they admired. In truth, they would have accomplished the same success that evening regardless of the guest...regardless of the gifts or adulation they received. The work was its own reward; it was just a little more obvious that night.