Honesty

I imagine we all picture ourselves as honest people. But when you take a good hard look at yourself it is quite possible to see the opposite. At least that’s what a study by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., University of Virginia, 1996 of 147 people between the ages of 18 and 71, found...

Most people lie every day. Social exchanges lasting over 10 minutes have a deceptive element twenty percent of the time. Nearly a third of one on one interactions involve deceptive behavior or speech. Half of the interactions a college student has with their mother involve deceptive behaviors or speech. And when scientists talk about falsities they don't include pleasantries or polite ambiguities, such as “not a problem" or "I’m good " These don’t constitute "official" lies. However, complementing an awful haircut or telling a someone “the check is in the mail”  both qualify. Studies show that the average person lies several times a day. Some of those are biggies (“I’ve always been faithful to you,”) but more often, they are little white lies (“Of course that dress looks good on you!”), or sweet little lies (“you look as beautiful as the day we met.”) Some forms of deception aren’t exactly lies: comb-overs, nodding when you’re not listening, but they are non-truths just the same. “Lies of omission” allow us to justify mistruths in that we haven’t blatantly lied. Lies can help maintain our self-esteem, but when allowed to escalate, lead to serious delusions beyond our control. Sadly, a completely honest person is a rarity, which makes working in a kitchen so much fun. You would imagine that encountering an honest person in your day would be a blessing.

    I had just finished showing my cook how to do the mashed potatoes for that evening’s service. I am a bit of a stickler for the details; the simpler something is, the more perfect it should be. There is a bit of feel and finesse when it comes to a proper mash, but when you make it in larger quantities, slight deviations can lead to a very different destination altogether. Weigh the potatoes, weigh the dairy, heat the dairy, season, fold it into properly cooked potatoes that have been slightly dried to a flaky mass. This simple measuring procedure allows for minimal mixing and results in a lighter, fluffier potato. So I finished the demo, reiterated the importance of the steps, and left the cook to do their work whilst I examined the other stations prior to service.

    As I finished the inspection of the line, the stations and the consequent dishes and components for the service, I turned as I reached the end of my circuit and began heading back down the line in order to make sure my directions were being followed and the service would be a success. For the most part the cooks were doing their part, following instructions. But, as I got closer to that first cook, the one making the potatoes, I realized there was something amiss. There she was. Huge mixing bowl that was allowing my beautiful potatoes to cool down as she worked...pouring cream directly from the ice cold container (neither being heated nor measured) right into the already cooling mass. As I came up behind her I was scarcely at a loss for words…

“What do you think you are doing!?!” She wheeled around, quite astonished I was there.

“We just went over this! Cook the potatoes...dry the potatoes….mill the potatoes...keep them hot...measure the cream...heat the cream...add just what you need...season….mix minimally so as not to make gummy potatoes!!!” No response...nothing.

“And what are you doing!?! THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE!!! What were you thinking !?!”

I have to admit, I might have gone a bit over the top, but honestly this was flagrant. I stood there glaring, waiting for a good explanation. But what I got, well...was so uniquely honest, it stopped me dead in my tracks.

“I’m sorry Chef…” she began, In a split second my mind rushed through a thousand or so rants, bombasts and expletives that would pound the treacherous cook as she tried to lie her way out of this one. But my plan of attack was thwarted, for after the ‘I’m sorry Chef’ came the most honest of statements.

“I didn’t see you coming.” That was it. No excuses about not understanding, no plying for sympathy, just honest admittance of ‘I knew what I was doing was wrong and I thought I would get away with it, but you caught me.’

“Well then,” I stammered. I could feel myself doing a double take as I spoke, “let’s do it again.” I concluded as I tossed the bowl of cold, gummy spuds into the compost.

    So, do we really believe we are going to get away with it? Well if you look at the numbers, yes. With deception being so commonplace amongst us, it would follow that we do not believe we will get caught. I mean who would be fool enough to create a deception with the knowledge they were going to be found out; but we do. And we do get caught; everyone gets caught. You might think you got away with it, but deep down inside you know they know or at least someday they will find out. Maybe they already know and are just seeing how long you can go before you do the right thing and come clean. Regardless of the position of your hand to the cookie jar, the best bet in all situations, is be honest. What makes us mad, the original offense or the lie that covers it up? Most often it is the escalation of distrust from the perpetuation of the initial transgression, revelation and repentance usually leads to a reconciliation, but lies always lead to more lies, breach of trust and an inevitable falling away. So, be daring and innovative; be honest.  And believe you me, you can trust me on this, because as far as you know, I’ve never lied to you.