My holiday gift to you.

What a glorious time of year. A time to gather and celebrate with food and gifts. A time to ponder all the gifts you have been blessed with, no matter what form they come in, they are all around us waiting to be accepted. A gift is a thing given willingly to someone without payment... a present. One thing we often overlook however, is that if a gift is only if gift if, it is accepted. How often have we been presented with something and just not taken advantage of it; or not realized that what we were being presented with was in fact a gift; or kept something solely to ourselves without sharing it; I would dare to say that these are wasted gifts. I quite often equate receiving gifts to a glass (me) being filled with a beverage (the gift).Gifts fill the glass. Once full it cannot handle more unless first a bit is removed. You may consume as much as you can, but the next taste is never as rich as the first, as repeated tasting diminishes sensory acuity we drink more and more in hopes of that first rush. And too much imbibing will leave you, well….hurting.

So how does one make room in their glass without getting intoxicated…solution… share it.

One of the greatest gifts I have received is the chance to work at my alma mater, doing what I love and was trained to do. The gift of watching a young person discover themselves and begin the journey of their career is amazing, a gift I relish everyday. But before I opened this gift, there were a few tests along the way. One such test was a Chef's test to see if I was CIA material. A challenge I truly enjoyed. Well, mostly. Right up until the end it was a great day. My food was on point and I was in the zone. As I reached for the sauté pan holding my vegetables for the final dish it was painfully apparent to me that the handle of the pan had made its way under the side towel I was holding for such protection and since it was in fact ripping hot was now searing its way into my palm.

By the time the meal was presented and I was asked into the dining room for my critique, my hand was a throbbing mess. I pressed a paper towel wrapped ice cube into the stigma and made my way into the dining room. I was more than a little pissed off at myself.  And now, not only was I wounded, I had to stand in front of a table and hear a critique on what I thought went rather well, aside from the burn. As I contemplated all this, it hit me, the gift. Gift? How can anyone see this as a gift? Well that's just it, it's your perspective. Faced with this horrible pain, I chose to see it as a gift, and it was. As I wrestled with being able to do something so stupid and careless on such an important day, the gift kindly presented itself. Today wasn't only about me being a "great" Chef, it was about my abilities as a teacher, something I was overlooking in comfort of my zone.

So when asked, " What do you think?" I put away the ego of Chef and put on the humility of the teacher. Starting with the first spoon of soup to the last morsel of chicken, I critiqued my meal. One that I normally would have stood by and defended, I now outlined its flaws and remedies. And as I finished I felt a wave of satisfaction come over me (or maybe it was adrenaline from the throbbing wound) as I awaited the evaluators responses.

"Well, that's just what I would have said." Stated one of my evaluators. And in a few weeks time, I began my journey there as an instructor, and the gifts keep coming.

Gifts come in all forms, some less recognizable than others. But in order for them to be gifts they need to be accepted, recognized and taken in, and be appreciated. But if you really want to make the most of your gift, and have room for more in the process, you need to give some of it away. The more you give...the more room you have for more.

So look around and recolonize all the gifts in your life, and more importantly, share them with others.

Honesty

I imagine we all picture ourselves as honest people. But when you take a good hard look at yourself it is quite possible to see the opposite. At least that’s what a study by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., University of Virginia, 1996 of 147 people between the ages of 18 and 71, found...

Most people lie every day. Social exchanges lasting over 10 minutes have a deceptive element twenty percent of the time. Nearly a third of one on one interactions involve deceptive behavior or speech. Half of the interactions a college student has with their mother involve deceptive behaviors or speech. And when scientists talk about falsities they don't include pleasantries or polite ambiguities, such as “not a problem" or "I’m good " These don’t constitute "official" lies. However, complementing an awful haircut or telling a someone “the check is in the mail”  both qualify. Studies show that the average person lies several times a day. Some of those are biggies (“I’ve always been faithful to you,”) but more often, they are little white lies (“Of course that dress looks good on you!”), or sweet little lies (“you look as beautiful as the day we met.”) Some forms of deception aren’t exactly lies: comb-overs, nodding when you’re not listening, but they are non-truths just the same. “Lies of omission” allow us to justify mistruths in that we haven’t blatantly lied. Lies can help maintain our self-esteem, but when allowed to escalate, lead to serious delusions beyond our control. Sadly, a completely honest person is a rarity, which makes working in a kitchen so much fun. You would imagine that encountering an honest person in your day would be a blessing.

    I had just finished showing my cook how to do the mashed potatoes for that evening’s service. I am a bit of a stickler for the details; the simpler something is, the more perfect it should be. There is a bit of feel and finesse when it comes to a proper mash, but when you make it in larger quantities, slight deviations can lead to a very different destination altogether. Weigh the potatoes, weigh the dairy, heat the dairy, season, fold it into properly cooked potatoes that have been slightly dried to a flaky mass. This simple measuring procedure allows for minimal mixing and results in a lighter, fluffier potato. So I finished the demo, reiterated the importance of the steps, and left the cook to do their work whilst I examined the other stations prior to service.

    As I finished the inspection of the line, the stations and the consequent dishes and components for the service, I turned as I reached the end of my circuit and began heading back down the line in order to make sure my directions were being followed and the service would be a success. For the most part the cooks were doing their part, following instructions. But, as I got closer to that first cook, the one making the potatoes, I realized there was something amiss. There she was. Huge mixing bowl that was allowing my beautiful potatoes to cool down as she worked...pouring cream directly from the ice cold container (neither being heated nor measured) right into the already cooling mass. As I came up behind her I was scarcely at a loss for words…

“What do you think you are doing!?!” She wheeled around, quite astonished I was there.

“We just went over this! Cook the potatoes...dry the potatoes….mill the potatoes...keep them hot...measure the cream...heat the cream...add just what you need...season….mix minimally so as not to make gummy potatoes!!!” No response...nothing.

“And what are you doing!?! THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE!!! What were you thinking !?!”

I have to admit, I might have gone a bit over the top, but honestly this was flagrant. I stood there glaring, waiting for a good explanation. But what I got, well...was so uniquely honest, it stopped me dead in my tracks.

“I’m sorry Chef…” she began, In a split second my mind rushed through a thousand or so rants, bombasts and expletives that would pound the treacherous cook as she tried to lie her way out of this one. But my plan of attack was thwarted, for after the ‘I’m sorry Chef’ came the most honest of statements.

“I didn’t see you coming.” That was it. No excuses about not understanding, no plying for sympathy, just honest admittance of ‘I knew what I was doing was wrong and I thought I would get away with it, but you caught me.’

“Well then,” I stammered. I could feel myself doing a double take as I spoke, “let’s do it again.” I concluded as I tossed the bowl of cold, gummy spuds into the compost.

    So, do we really believe we are going to get away with it? Well if you look at the numbers, yes. With deception being so commonplace amongst us, it would follow that we do not believe we will get caught. I mean who would be fool enough to create a deception with the knowledge they were going to be found out; but we do. And we do get caught; everyone gets caught. You might think you got away with it, but deep down inside you know they know or at least someday they will find out. Maybe they already know and are just seeing how long you can go before you do the right thing and come clean. Regardless of the position of your hand to the cookie jar, the best bet in all situations, is be honest. What makes us mad, the original offense or the lie that covers it up? Most often it is the escalation of distrust from the perpetuation of the initial transgression, revelation and repentance usually leads to a reconciliation, but lies always lead to more lies, breach of trust and an inevitable falling away. So, be daring and innovative; be honest.  And believe you me, you can trust me on this, because as far as you know, I’ve never lied to you.