The Worst Kind of Fall

We live in a world where we are constantly surrounded and being reminded by success stories. We watch, we hear, we emulate, but do we really know what success for ourselves really looks like? Is it solely about the winning? The prize? The accolades? I offer my opinion in one word for you to ponder...No. There are plenty of those who have won, grabbed the prize, received the praise, and where are they? Has the one with the most toys really won? They made it to the top, but how did they proceed afterwards. Quite often “winners” effulgence fade, and fade quick, unable to handle finally freeing the carrot from the end of the stick. Lotto winners, superstars, and one hit wonders, litter our landscape, displaying more characteristics of losers than that which we associate with successful winners. Once at the top, they fall.

What’s then is the point of achieving success, ascending to dizzying heights? Surely many have experienced it without subsequent misery. Let me relay this metaphorically using more special relativity, one displaying painful planning and execution, climbing a mountain, specifically the Matterhorn. At a height just short of 15000 ft and first ascended by Edward Whymper in 1865. The Matterhorn, aside from being one of the world's most iconic mountains is also a psychological condition. The Matterhorn Syndrome is attributed to those who fail once achieving success. Aptly named, a surprising half of all climbing fatalities (41.2% between 1951-2006) in mountain climbing are from the descent after conquering the climb. As a matter of fact 4 of Whymper’s crew died coming down after his successful climb. When we’re climbing we’re trying, but once we succeed we tend to let our guard down. Quite often we place too much emphasis on the climb towards our goals and neglect what to do afterward. And recoiled with all that potential ensuing overconfidence comes, and the inevitable; the fall. So, before you assume you are on solid ground, assess your surroundings and act soberly. To quote St. Paul, “let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1Cor 10:12.

I would be remiss if I didn’t share a climb to the top I experienced, and the subsequent falling down upon success.

It was a few weeks before my graduation, I was filled with much of the same emotions of moving on and grabbing the world by the horns and showing what I was made of as most college graduates. But, I had something fresh in my toolkit, something that cannot be taught, only learned...a fresh failure, a deep wound. As our class hit restaurant row, the final stop in our culinary training, summer was bringing out the adventurist in all of us and we chose to pass out free time in between classes enjoying hiking the local mountains. One such day a few friends and myself found ourselves at the summit of one of the local hills after a grueling footrace to the top. We were always a bit competitive as you can imagine and our wagers usually entailed who did or did not pay for the evening's libations and or put in the monies needed to procure the meal to accompany them. And today was no different and as we sat at the summit discussing the night’s menu of sparkling wines, fiddleheads and crustaceans.

It soon became apparent that this was not going to be an inexpensive loss by any means.

So, when we began our race to the bottom, there was a lot on the line.

Needless to say, I was winning. I love winning. My years of distance running and downhill skiing morphed into a combination style somewhere between cross country and mogul jumping, and was paying off greater than my friends’ Tarzan emulations. With the end in sight I began to fantasize about the night’s feast. And that’s when it hit me….the ground! As my ankle caught some gravel, turned my foot upside down and threw me headlong to the ground, the sole of my shoe perfectly visible to me as my momentum was slowed by the gravel . Ouch. I didn’t plan for that.

Quite often we have a plan to succeed, but then what. Do you have a plan for all that built up kinetic energy upon reaching the pinnacle; what to do with all that potential energy? Or are you destined to let nature complete your hyperbolic journey. Too many times the ambulance is sent to the bottom of the mountain when an itinerary at the top would suffice. So when facing those mountains in life, be careful and plan your steps both up and down. Not that falling is bad, great lessons are learned on your face in the gravel, but in the moments following a victory it's unpleasantness is greatly amplified.  Therefore, don’t let success go to your head. Don’t let up until you're safely done. Don’t just plan to climb the mountain, plan to make it back and tell people you did it. And if I may drop a quote here to conclude, “People don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan”. Well said John Beckley, well said.

"Lucky" Me

I’ve never been a proponent of luck. I will quite often go out of my way, when others might chime in with the expected “good luck” I often surprise people with a quite contrary statement, “I won’t insult you by wishing you luck”. Luck is a myth.

And as scientifically and rationally debunked as luck has been, it is still touted as the rational person’s response to their own relative standings. Bad luck is the scapegoat for...  lack of control in one’s own direction and ability, disavowing others success to rationalize your inadequacies, and relinquishing ownership of our failures because things are simply not your fault.

Scientific reasoning, as seen in Newton’s third law, clearly shows causality explains results; every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Hit a drum, make a noise. Hear a noise, twitch a muscle. Twitch a muscle, spill your coffee...on your lap. This is not bad luck, you're just not properly evaluating all of the variables in your environment that concluded in that moment's causality. Good luck has its own confused superstitious, coincidental logics. Four leaf clovers, lucky rabbits feet, blowing on dice, playing your birthday lotto numbers are all just as likely to influence events as me declaring my coffee mug keeps away tigers (it does, I’ve never encountered one while drinking my coffee).

Whatever the common consensus, I happen not to believe in luck. In fact, quite the opposite; I believe in working hard, being prepared and bettering your own odds. Or as some would say, making one’s own luck. To quote the great 21st century philosopher Jon Bon Jovi, "luck ain't lucky, gotta make your own breaks."

Coincidentally, studies show luck (more specifically good luck), relates directly with how people perceive and accept chance opportunities. Richard Wiseman, author of The Luck Factor concurs, “Lucky people generate their own good fortune via four basic principles. They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophecies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.”

So when the philosopher Seneca states that “luck is where opportunity meets preparation”, I can completely agree.

Additional research shows that lucky people are more relaxed, and as such are open to situations (opportunities) that they are prepared for. Unlucky people tend to be more reluctant, fearful and anxious. Attributes that directly coincide with someone’s being ready for “luck” to happen (cause) and how we feel with perceived outcomes (effect)..

But there are times in my life when I find myself just violating the odds and falling bass ackward into something amazing.

As luck would have it, I had an opportunity to do just that.

One of the most memorable experiences I have had as a Chef is owning my own restaurant. It happened to be one of the most grueling and enjoyable experiences. As you could imagine, it did not leave much room for vacations and getting away. After a few years of glorious toiling, it became apparent to me that I needed to get away. Years earlier I had taken my wife to Italy on our honeymoon; easily one of the most beautiful trips I had ever undertaken (and yeah, it was also a honeymoon). And when I thought of places appropriate to relax and recharge my batteries my mind naturally settled in on that glorious place filled with the most pleasant memories. This time though I wanted it to be a bit different.

You see in my life in the restaurant and catering business I spent oodles of time serving others. I love it, it really fulfills me. So on this trip I decided to treat myself; a trip where I worried nor wanted for nothing. I wanted me and my wife to be completely catered to.

As “luck” would have it, all these ideas came to a bubbling head when I met a young lady from the island of Sicily one day in my restaurant. She went on about the unrealized beauties of her homeland and I realized this was a part of Italy I had never seen, a great opportunity if ever one had presented itself. Intuitively I knew that this young lady obviously knew more than me about my new infatuation. I asked her for help, and if she knew of anyone who could accommodate a request like mine. As luck would have it, she did, and from there I created an amazing relationship with my friend Angelo. Over the course of a few months we created a program whereby our car and driver would take us to our agriturismo (vineyard/B&B) where we would stay. We would shop the markets for fresh produce, seafood, meats, cheeses and prepare our meals together and enjoy them with local wine. Whenever we wished, we would dine out and experience true local fare, see the historical sites, walk the beaches, hike the volcano, hear the history and mythology that sprung forth from Sicily’s passionate people . Best part, neither my wife nor myself were allowed to touch our wallets, as it was to be all paid and ready for us when we arrived.  Paradise. My expectations could not be higher, and Angelo was eager to acquiesce. It was to be a spectacular second honeymoon.

Yet, it wasn’t meant to be (at least as I had originally envisioned it). You see, sitting in my restaurant, which had an open kitchen, allowed my guests to see all the preparations that I was making, and that included my second honeymoon. One such guest sat, as he did most days, listening to the sounds of his meal being prepared and the bustle. On that day, he got a little more than he bargained for. As Tom sat enjoying his food, he overheard my plan.

“What’s that?” he asked as I hung up the phone with Angelo.

“The call?” he nodded, “Oh, I’m planning a trip to Sicily with Suzanne.” (my wife, you should know that by now). “My friend Angelo is taking care of all the details.”

“I heard…” his look changed from interest to , well interest.

He had overheard about the vineyards, the shopping, the cooking, the dining, and all that the ancient island culture and geography had to offer, and much like me, fell in love with the notion.

“I wanna come.”

And with that simple statement a chain reaction began that turned my wife’s second honeymoon into, shall we say…”better luck next time.”

We didn’t enjoy our second honeymoon as we expected that year, but we did manage to transform that bit of “bad luck” into a great thing. It turned out that we did go back. With this now fixed as a part of our restaurant's business model, we went back a few times actually, subsequent times bringing others with us to share the island experience we ourselves had “lucked” into.

Now, many might call all that lucky. And if I believed in luck I would certainly agree. But I don’t so I won’t. What it was was fortuitous; I was prepared to receive the opportunity, I had accounted for all the variables that concluded with a desired result, and when it didn’t work out quite the way I envisioned I adapted. “Luck”? No, it was the exact reaction equal and opposite to all the actions that lead up to it.

So, when I refuse to wish you luck, be flattered that I don’t think you incapable enough to not cause your own desired reactions, that you are oblivious enough not to notice all the amazing opportunities before you, that you lack positivity, and that you are resilient enough to overcome poor situations.* And, you should believe enough in your abilities to focus the odds to arrive at your desired results, believe you have control over your circumstances, believe that others' successes are not taunts but rather models for celebration. So, instead of relying on luck, rely on yourself and imagine, oh the places you'll go.

*I, Suzanne (editor) would like to deny any participation in the construction of this sentence. As much as I love my husband, there are some sentences that emerge from his brain that even I can't untangle.

Happy New

As we begin another New Year, and the confetti shakes out and the resolutions begin to fade, I begin to think about the glorious nature of starting afresh every year. For some reason, perhaps socially induced, we feel the need to periodically start over, sometimes in a grand way, sometimes more gradual. Statistically, the more creative and independent a personality you have, the more you crave change. Change may not always be in our best interest, but for some reason we perceive it as an essential component in moving towards our happiness, making ourselves and our lives better. What most people don't realize (or refuse to see) is that most things we wish to change are results; the results of bad behavior, the results of our habits. Habits are difficult to change because we have ingrained them into our being; we do them without thinking. So if you really want that change in your life that you presume will make you happier, you need to reprogram the behavioral patterns that give you the results you don't like seeing. No one has more particular passion for breaking bad habits and starting people down a happier path than a Chef.

I’ll never forget one of my new beginnings; I found myself being brought in to revamp a four star seafood restaurant. Food cost was running high, turnover too. I spent the first few weeks there learning all the stations, menu items and prep lists. I kept my new position of executive sous chef a secret as I acclimated to the kitchen culture, presuming I would be treated differently as a boss rather than a new coworker. I also didn't let on I spoke fluent Spanish as I acclimated to the predominantly Spanish-speaking kitchen staff.

Then came the day when Chef introduced me to the crew as the new executive sous chef, there to make some changes and get the kitchen back in shape.

    One of my first resolutions was to straighten up the prep kitchen. There was a bit of waste there that was stemming from a disorganized walk-in cooler. So, I pulled my prep cooks aside and laid out my plan.

“Ok guys, here's what I want to do today.” I started. “ Let’s take everything out of the walk in, pull out the shelves, deep clean the whole cooler, walls and floors, with bleach, shelves too, and then we'll put everything back after we organize the food. Got it?” I thought my request was pretty straight forward. I expected action.

“No sabe.” Was what I got in return. (No sabe is Spanish for ‘don't know’ presumably implying I don't know what you're saying but if taken literally implies someone doesn't have a clue (me)).

“Oh…. no sabe? You don't know what I'm saying? Well what should we do?”

He nodded vacantly, doubling down on his lack of initiative.

“OH! I got it!” I exclaimed.  His face lit up even though he (presumably) had no idea what I was saying and I (presumably) had no way of relaying my thoughts to him accurately.

“Toma todos los cosas e pone aqui en esta mesa e limpia los paredes e piso con aqua caliente e chloro…” I continued on with my now apparent command of Spanish. And as I finished the newly translated instruction I could tell by their faces, they were a little astonished.

“You f*#!ing sabe?” I closed.

“Yes.”

And with that they went to work.

Change happens over time and instantaneously. You can choose to make those choices yourself, and it is easiest when you self-direct those changes to your own habits and own the results.  But change can also be inflicted upon you from an external source, especially when your habits’ consequences violate acceptable norms. Needless to say, change happens as a result of changed behaviors resulting in different outcomes. Sustainable change happens when changed habits become the new norm. Although finishing a book happens on the last page, it required many turned pages from start to finish. But you will never get to that last page, nor understand the story, unless you pick it up and begin.