As a Chef, my whole life is filled with discipline, or at least I like to think so. The advanced knowledge of preparations, ordering, receiving, preparing, executing and even the breaking down and cleaning up of every single day embeds itself upon a person. Rising early and remaining late until all the dots and tittles are checked, I am a man of discipline and authority; I say.. they do. Stop, they stop. Speed up, slow down, and so on. This disciplined life of unrelenting regimen brings about accomplishment, and with accomplishment respect. It’s a way of life. Admittedly, I haven’t always been this way; I was a typical selfish, impetuous youth, reluctant to acknowledge anyone else’s world view or governing rules. Fortunate for me though, we have Fathers; and through loving patient discipline I managed to shed the ignorant destructive boy, and become a man. By definition a Father makes children, not just biological production (any animal is capable of that), but a child's emotional, spiritual and ethical development should lie at the heart of a Father’s responsibility of child rearing. Unfortunately our society has moved away from traditional family structure, and with it social stability. And the numbers don’t lie, Fatherless homes statistically increase chances of; infant mortality, lower birth weights, adolescent pregnancies, attempted suicides, gun possession, drug dealing, lower educational successes, high school dropout rates, lower income levels, poverty, social disorders, obesity, chemical abuse, and finally sadly, increased chances of unsuccessful marriage themselves, all are the horrible casualties of the fatherless pandemic. Things that we may move towards resolving as a culture, if a Father just committed to doing their jobs.
Saturday was chore day. Regardless of my sports schedules or things I wanted to go out and do, Saturday was first and foremost devoted to tending to our family’s house, my Father saw to that. It wasn’t a sleep in day, or day of relaxing; it could be, but only after you did what was needed. Inside, cleaning common rooms, taking out trash and compost were typical; and depending on the season there were outside tasks as well: chopping and stacking wood, raking leaves, turning the garden and compost pile, shoveling the driveway….you know, chores. After these were done, we could go do what we want; sports, play, etc. Even though my Father spent his week up before the sun, heading off to work and providing for our family, he never presumed his responsibilities stopped there; Fathering was full time, even on his day off.
Amidst the choring, my Father was right alongside me, training me up, showing me the dutiful responsibility of his role. We worked, we talked, he knew what his son was up to, I got to know what kind of man he was . Not that these conversations were confined to our Saturdays, but they were intensified amidst our work on Saturdays. And while we did so, he made breakfast. It wasn’t much really, he wasn’t a trained cook, he was a Navy man, so he knew how to cook that one thing, Chipped Beef. For those of you not familiar with chipped beef, sometimes referred to more colorfully as $**t on a shingle or S.O.S, it is air dried beef in a milk sauce(bechamel) and served over toast (the shingle).
As we worked our way through the list, I could smell the feast unfolding. First the melting of butter in the cast iron skillet, then that salty meat savour, followed by warm flour turning nutty in the butter and beef renderings. And when I heard the milk hitting the pan, the scent of a nearly complete breakfast was soon coming, the capstone, the toast; once I smelled that, it was time to start sitting down. And although my Father kept it simple this is easily one of the most recognizable and enjoyable taste memories I have.
What continues to amaze me though is how much that simple meal means to me now; with all my culinary training, it’s still my favorite. Analogous to Fathering itself, good technique trumps fancy ingredients; and care, showiness. Much more than physical nourishment; emotional and spiritual closeness taught me values and built my morals. I didn’t see it then, but who does; what a shame.
It is miraculous how a Father molds a child. “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6, True that Solomon. Now as a Father, reflecting back, it has all come full circle. A Father’s duty of disciplining isn’t just about correcting the wrong, it's about training you up right to avoid doing the wrong thing in the first place. The only thing that hurts worse than disciplining your child is watching what happens to them because you didn’t do it properly; either allowing them to violate your statutes or worse letting them blindly meandering through life unequipped without them. What's worse, is we see it manifesting in our society as we speak, it's the new norm, Father's remiss in their responsibilities and children being raised without proper discipline. (This is not to say to all you single Moms out there that you aren't disciplining your kids properly, but which one of you wouldn't truly enjoy the help in doing so that would come from a helpful Father). Lack of discipline isn't nice, it’s downright cruel. And if you think you're helping anyone by prematurely removing their bridle you are an idiot. To avoid training up your offspring isn’t love, disciplining a child properly is perhaps the greatest sign you love them. If someone is heading down a road with a bridge out you warn them, if you love them, you do whatever it takes to stop them. Not just say “oh that road...they'll figure it out...I did”. Nice parenting skills Mr. Torrence, all play and no work makes a screwed up kid.. Tell them the bridge is out and if they don’t listen, stop them. Fathering is not a one shot deal, it’s an ongoing responsibility. Just because you are someone's Father genetically doesn’t make you a Father, it’s not the title, it’s the performance review. So to all the Fathers out there who take their role seriously, Happy Father’s Day, you may be one of the last things holding this country together.
